he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
