Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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