just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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