Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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