he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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