all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
