cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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