I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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