i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
