...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I cannot find my penis.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
