similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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