he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
