Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
