You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
