Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
