oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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