Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
