Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
