it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
