you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
