Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
