mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
