he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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