Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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