apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
