im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We left an ass print on the piano.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
