So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
