I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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