My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
