I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
