did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i will never coherently bang her
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
BRING THE BAGELS
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
