Just took my morning after pill in the library
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
this is an emotional support booty call
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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