please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
