I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you never un-have a 4some
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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