I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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