If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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