His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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