Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
