this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
