...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
