My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
