In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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