your parents love me but you hate me
I CAN MOONWALK!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
