bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
