4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
