I feel like abortions should bother me more
ugly people sure do ruin things
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize