so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
