Me too!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
