My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
