Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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