it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I got inside last night via doggy door
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
