who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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