how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize