def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
