Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
