I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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