YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
