I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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