I can text with my tongue
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
