I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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