You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
