You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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