So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
