I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
