I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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