i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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