She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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