just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
how does that bad decision feel?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
