How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
