why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
