Only a mothe r could love this liver
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
