He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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